1. I can eat two red velvet cupcakes a day and not be bulging out of my jeans
2. I can afford to buy two red velvet cupcakes a day with the $$ I save not taking CTA
3. I can leave dudes in my dust on bridges (read: the only hills in Chicago)
4. I can get there faster than bus or train
5. I can practice take pedestrian shortcuts through parks, dead-end streets, etc.