An Open Letter to the Woman Furiously Popping Her Zits in the Locker Room Mirror

Inspired by McSweeney’s open letters to people are entities who are unlikely to respond.

When I first joined the gym many moons ago, I was meek in the locker room. While woman of all ages and shapes and sizes unabashedly changed in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirrors, I scurried to the bathroom to do my changing in the privacy of a stall. But, due to my laziness and gradual nonchalance about other women critiquing my body (I know they do it to me because I do it to them), I was soon enough changing out in the open with the best of them.

This was a major hurdle for me to overcome, and I can only hope to one day achieve that all you have. Some women – usually of the quite old variety – watch television or sit in the hot tub in the nude. Others do their makeup or hair while wearing nothing but skimpy towels. I admire these women. But I admire you more. You, who has the confidence and spunk to put your face centimeters from the mirror and pop your zits onto it. You have turned the athletic club locker room into your personal dressing table! Where did you learn to care so little about your environment or respecting the people in it?